What My Life Has Become
by tetisheri
Summary: I was happy once. I held the key to eternal happiness. It was all mine at one time. I let the most precious thing in my life slip away. I squeezed to hard. I held on too tightly. I ruined my chances on a happy life. I ruined everything.


AN: I got the inspiration for this fic from the song 'Mess I made' by Parachute. This is in my Control universe. And how Chi-Chi personally feels about what happened between her and Goku. Review to tell me what you think about it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ballz, I do however own Caslite and Belle.

What My Life Has Become

I look at them whenever we are in the same room. I stare at them without any embarrassment even though I know they know I'm looking. I look as they interact with everyone. I look at how the others react to them. I stare without any reservations as they embrace one another, lips tenderly touching. I can not help but stare.

That use to be mine, I suppose. The love they possess was mine once. I held that in my hands. I held it close to my heart. I held it tightly against my chest. I was happy once. I held the key to eternal happiness. It was all mine at one time. I had everything anyone could ask for.

I married the love of my life. I married the boy who had promised he'd take me away. I married the boy who thought marriage was edible. I married the boy who would capture my heart with one light hearted gesture. I married him promising myself I wouldn't care what happened that I would always love him. I didn't realize until just a few short eternities ago that I had broken that promise.

The birth of our son changed me. I had to take care of an innocent life now. I had to protect this tiny bundle from the world. I had to nurture him, love him, help him grow up to be a man. I was responsible for a small life. My husband never changed. He was still so irresponsible.

I was so angry at him. Angry because he just didn't _care_ that he was now a father. That he had a responsibility to be there for his son. Yes he was loving. He loved the boy so very much. He played with him no matter what. But that was all. He never took any of the duties a father should. He was a playmate not a parent.

I was left being forced out of bed at three in the morning to calm a fussy baby. I was left cooking huge meals while trying to put a sick baby to sleep. I was left to deal with the temper tantrums, and the diaper changes. I was left with the job of being both parents. I was even forced to sit and wait while my child was kidnapped.

I was told by my _friends_ my little boy was in safe hands with Piccolo. Piccolo! The same green man who had tried to _kill_ my husband. How was my child safe with a man like that? When my child was finally returned he was broken, passed out, bleeding.

My child was hurt because his own _father_ thought he could take care of himself. A five year old little boy going up against aliens that killed most of our friends. I held my child close and hoped to shield him from the disasters that followed his father.

I knew what they thought of me then. How they thought I was a callous woman for ignoring my husband who was obviously more injured then my child. I didn't care what they thought of me. I had my baby back in my arms. He was my flesh and blood, he came first in my heart. My husband would understand why I reacted why I did anyways.

Soon after though…my child left again. This time on his own free will. I didn't want him to. Only the Kai's know how badly I wanted to keep him safe, but he went. I was left alone with my husband in a hospital. My husband who was essentially a child himself. One of many misguided assumptions I made about my husband.

I treated him like a mother would her child, because that was how he presented himself. A little kid who needed a firm hand to guide him. I didn't complain being that firm hand. I knew I would have to do it with my little boy as well. I liked being a mother. My husband never complained, so I figured he was okay with it. Another assumption I should have never made.

I didn't notice when I became over bearing. I didn't notice when I went from a loving mother to a controlling one. I didn't really realize what I had become until those three years before the androids. I could barely be with my husband as a wife at that point. He was another duty to me. Another son to take care of. I noticed that the nights he wanted to be with me.

I noticed how I turned him down that I did it simply because it didn't feel…right. Those thoughts scared me. I wasn't suppose to think that about my husband. I was suppose to love him with everything I had. I delved myself back into the role of wife during those three years. I became the woman I was when I married my husband.

He had become the responsible husband I needed. Those last days before Cell showed his true colors to the fullest. Oh, how magnificent he was those last few days. Yet…I had pushed my way back into mother mode. I had made love with my husband one last time before that fateful day came to be. Those days would be the brightest in my mind.

I would not see him for seven years. I would give birth to a second son. A boy who was the exact replica of his father. Seven years I raised both sons, knowing that in some way I failed in allowing my first son the freedom of childhood. Sever years of raising a child who I came to think of as the reincarnate of my dead husband. Seven years of knowing that my husband willingly left his children to grow up without a father. Seven years to allow my anger at him to fester and grow.

I slept with one of his best friends. Not to get back at him. Not to make him hurt if he ever found out. No I slept with this man because he showed me tender love. He showed me that I mattered as well. He was there when I needed a hand. I was almost happy.

When my husband came back I was absolutely furious with him. I had seen the man he could be, yet when he returned he was the boy once more. It was as if he were nineteen all over again out looking for adventure while I tried raising our son. What I never understood was why no one ever saw that it was his attitude that made me the way I was.

They all thought I was this evil person. This over protective conniving bitch. That I was abusive to the goofy hero. I was firm with him because he wouldn't be. I would nag at him to do the dishes because I could not clean five hundred dishes three times a day, every day. I would ask him to go out and get food so I could cook his meals. What would I get in return? Nothing. He would get sidetracked on the way to the market. He would stop washing in the middle of them all and go out to train. He would just simply _disappear_ when I asked him to do something.

So I did what I knew best. I yelled. I yelled at him for the things he did not do. I yelled at him when he wouldn't do something that was an easy task. I yelled when he acted like an idiot. I yelled at him like a mother would scold her child. And he never once fought back. He always took it in with a slightly bowed head. He never spoke up against me. I never knew what he really thought.

Over the years it escalated. I yelled at everything he did. I found everything wrong with him. I screeched and screamed about anything I could. It would sometimes end in soft whispered apologies in the night. His careful hands lightly caressing my body, trying to keep our marriage from crumbling apart. I never even noticed that it was.

He was never rough with me on those rare occasions we did make love. He always tried being cautious with my fragile body. But he was so strong now. Stronger then any human could ever handle. He didn't mean to give me bruises. Even kissed them and whispered that he was sorry. But still…I blamed him for it. We grew farther and farther apart, but I never noticed it.

Then _she_ came. The short, foul mouthed, bad attitude, cold Saiyan Princess. Her presence in my mind was miniscule at first. She was nothing more then another rising threat to Earth. I knew someone would take care of it. Yet she didn't leave. She never left. She even managed to whittle her way into the lives of my boys.

My eldest son fell for her ways. He fell for her long raven hair, and icy violet eyes. He couldn't see that she wasn't something to mess with. He couldn't see that she was already broken. I hated her for that. Hated her for bringing my child into the dirtiest places in the universe. Hated her for exposing him to the true evil of the world. She was a broken bleeding mess of a woman, and my son fell in love with her.

My husband. My husband fell in love with her without even noticing it. I watched in complete silence as he slowly spent more and more time with the Princess. I watched as he drew her closer to his heart, and watched her not even know that he was. Watched her fawn over my son while my husband looked with longing.

I couldn't stand her. She brought the ugliness of reality into my family. She drew in two of my boys without even much effort. She corrupted one while making the other's heart break. She was broken yet no one seemed to notice that. I was always left to be the bad guy.

I was not an idiot. I knew the moment the relationship with my husband and her started. I could see it in his horrified expression weeks after she left. I could sense it in how he looked when he talked about her to the others. I could hear her name on his lips as he slept at night. I knew I lost my husband, but I didn't want to acknowledge it. So I grew angrier.

I was an idiot then. I am an idiot. I thought I was keeping us together, but I was driving us apart. He tried so hard, so very hard to keep us together. I thought nothing of it. I ignored it. I didn't want to know any of that. He was mine wasn't he? He was the boy who had captured my heart.

"Mom?" I look to my side and see youngest staring at me oddly.

"Yes Goten?" I ask in a sweet voice. My eyes slide back over to the couple. The couple who are so open with their relationship.

"Never mind it was nothing." he walks away leaving me with my thoughts once more.

I had had their love once. I watch the love of my life twirl the short woman until her back was pressed against his chest. His arms enveloped her body, his own towering over her smaller form. She was so small, such a fragile looking creature. I hated her for being so strong.

He held me like that once. He bends over, his mouth hovering over her ear. He whispers something that causes her to giggle. The giggle high and melodic, chime like. It stabbed at my heart. He once whispered to me like that.

The petite woman turned in his embrace, facing him now she stretched up on her feet. She kissed him not caring that there were other people around them. Not noticing the eye rolls, and whistles everyone gave them. He didn't seemed to care either, his hands firmly grabbed the woman's ass lifting her closer to his mouth. Even as this occurred I never once looked away. I had never had that with him. He had never been so passionate with me. Never been able to allow himself to freely explore my body.

I feel the tears well in my eyes. I feel the aching pain in my chest. What have I done? I drove away my husband, my friends, my sons. I drove them all away because I was so cruel to that one woman. They all were so cautious around me, like I was a time bomb about to go off.

The love of my life hated me. Hated me for being his mother instead of his wife. Hated me for ruining our marriage. I was such a bitch. I let the most precious thing in my life slip away. I squeezed to hard. I held on too tightly. I ruined my chances on a happy life. I ruined everything. Oh God…why did I believe him to be stupid? Why did I see him as nothing but a child? Why didn't I see the man he truly was?

I should have seen him for who he was. I shouldn't of shut him out. I shouldn't of done anything against him. I shouldn't of been so cruel to him. Oh God…I have made such a mess of my life.

"Disgusting isn't it?" I look to my side once more. Videl sat beside me, a scowl on her face. I look back to the couple. No…no it wasn't disgusting. That was love…love in it's truest form. "I can't believe he has no care about your feelings. I mean you are his ex wife, shouldn't he be a bit more…I don't know caring?" I glanced over at the young woman again. "He would never do this if it weren't for her you know." Videl looked at me with cold malicious eyes. "She took him away from you, you know. You probably could of salvaged your marriage if she hadn't influenced him." Influenced him?

"What do you mean?" I asked sitting up more. I could see her eyes flash. What lay behind those coal blue eyes frightened me.

"The woman can make people loose their mind…you really think she didn't _make_ Goku love her and hate you?" those eyes…those eyes full of such malice. Three children ran by. Two had raven hair while one had blue hair. They were Pan, Belle, and Bra. They were all twelve years old. Belle was my…unwanted grandchild. Born of my Son and the Princess. "That she wouldn't make Gohan fuck her so she could have a kid?"

Videl's words made sense. Caslite, the Princess, did have those powers. She was able to do incredible things to minds. She could do anything she wanted really. My daughter-in-law's words made perfect sense but it was me who ruined my marriage right?

"Don't believe for one second that they were really willing. She would do anything to ruin people's lives. I mean look at the child she created. How much distress it put on Gohan. How little time he has for his daughter. Pan gets so lonely sometimes."

I looked back to the couple. Who had stopped their public display of passion. Caslite as if she could feel my stare on her back turned towards Videl and I. Her violet eyes visible even from this distance. I could make out a ghost of a sad smile on her face. Those defined cheekbones, and narrowed slits softening, her face relaxing, becoming a gentler face.

Yes…those eyes…that face. It could make anyone a puppet.

I watched her face harden. Her feline features becoming prominent once more. Those violet eyes flaring with spite. A cruel smirk spread across her lips. Her skin tone becoming fairer, her body straightening, she seemed to tower now. Her long raven hair a mane that fell over her shoulders in beautiful tresses. She turned to Goku, and pulled him down into a fierce kiss. Her eyes never leaving mine. They bore into mine. Her hatred for me curling around my heart, constricting it.

I stared entranced at the result of the mess I made of my life. She took him away from me. She took them all away from me. She made me an evil person in their eyes. Videl was right. Caslite manipulated them into being with her.

_::You ruined your life with him. He is MINE now.:: _a voice dipped in malevolence, and coated with the unfiltered disgust rang out through my mind leaving me a bleeding mass of regret.


End file.
